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The Lodge, Three Aces, Lou Malnati's, Spirit of Chicago, Tortoise Club
The Lodge, Three Aces, Lou Malnati's, Spirit of Chicago, Tortoise Club
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9 Tacky Valentine's Day Options That May or May Not Melt Hearts

The pressure for a perfect night offers restaurant diners a variety of playful, or darn right tacky options.

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The Lodge, Three Aces, Lou Malnati's, Spirit of Chicago, Tortoise Club
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It's easy to feel stressed around Valentine's Day. It's cold and often gloomy; not exactly ideal for courting a companion. Couples feel pressure in planning the special night and sift through a myriad of options, offering ideal conditions for bars and restaurants to feast upon those vulnerabilities. They'll offer prix fixes, special cocktails and other gimmicks, all knowing too well that someone's ready to spend. Here's a brief sampling of tacky options.

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Note: Restaurants on this map are listed geographically.

1. Tortoise Club

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350 N State St
Chicago, IL 60654
(312) 755-1700
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Hummer: The Tortoise Club wins the award for most...tactful...drink special. Coinciding with the release of 50 Shades of Grey, they'll give customers with a ticket stub a free... Hummer. That's made of espresso liqueur, rum and vanilla ice cream. Optional shot of class?

2. Skydeck Chicago

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233 S Wacker Dr
Chicago, IL 60684
(312) 875-9447
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#LoveOnTheLedge: Twitter hashtags have no shortage of uses, unfortunately. The tower formerly known as Sears will offer a romantic breakfast on Valentine's, claiming the Skydeck's witessed more than 700 wedding proposals and 61 weddings. Talk about taking the plunge.

3. Lodge Tavern

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21 W Division St
Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 642-4406
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Playboy Key Club: IT'S A KEY CLUB. Servers will don the customary Playboy bunny ears and tails, while "Hugh Hefner" will help singles mingle.

4. Spirit of Chicago Cruises

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600 E Grand Ave
Chicago, IL 60611
(866) 273-2469
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Love Boat: There are a variety of cruises so couples can freeze their rears off. This one offers a buffet dinner for $99 per person and bills it as "Your Love Boat." Not without Isaac, you don't.

5. Lou Malnati's Pizzeria

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Heart-Shaped Pizza: Lou's isn't the only one to offer this cheesy token of your affection. Giordano's and Pie-Eyed are also guilty.

6. The Hangge-Uppe

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14 W Elm St
Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 337-0561
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Fuzzy Handcuffs & Boudoir Photos: Patrons can play something called the "Fuzzy Handcuff Game." They can also take a boudoir photo with a "sexy" backdrop. Make it stop already.

7. Three Aces

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1321 W Taylor St
Chicago, IL 60607
(312) 243-1577
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Bad Girl Brunch: Hey, riot grrrls rule. But it remains unclear if icons like Patti Smith and others had tarot cards, bagel boards and bubbly punch in mind.

8. She-nannigans House of Beer

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16 W Division St
Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 642-2344
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Naughty Little Cabaret Pole Dancing: Choreographers from Naughty Little Cabaret will show patrons how to work the pole. These are male dancers who perform burlesque. And Rush and Division is obviously a Mecca for female empowerment, so the lessons may actually make sense here.

9. White Castle

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2348-2354 W. Roosevelt Rd.
Chicago, IL 60608
(312) 226-9472
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Love Castle: For those sliding in and out of relationships, make a reservation at White Castle. Cause if you liked it you should have put a Chicken Ring™ on it.

1. Tortoise Club

350 N State St, Chicago, IL 60654
Hummer: The Tortoise Club wins the award for most...tactful...drink special. Coinciding with the release of 50 Shades of Grey, they'll give customers with a ticket stub a free... Hummer. That's made of espresso liqueur, rum and vanilla ice cream. Optional shot of class?
350 N State St
Chicago, IL 60654

2. Skydeck Chicago

233 S Wacker Dr, Chicago, IL 60684
#LoveOnTheLedge: Twitter hashtags have no shortage of uses, unfortunately. The tower formerly known as Sears will offer a romantic breakfast on Valentine's, claiming the Skydeck's witessed more than 700 wedding proposals and 61 weddings. Talk about taking the plunge.
233 S Wacker Dr
Chicago, IL 60684

3. Lodge Tavern

21 W Division St, Chicago, IL 60610
Playboy Key Club: IT'S A KEY CLUB. Servers will don the customary Playboy bunny ears and tails, while "Hugh Hefner" will help singles mingle.
21 W Division St
Chicago, IL 60610

4. Spirit of Chicago Cruises

600 E Grand Ave, Chicago, IL 60611
Love Boat: There are a variety of cruises so couples can freeze their rears off. This one offers a buffet dinner for $99 per person and bills it as "Your Love Boat." Not without Isaac, you don't.
600 E Grand Ave
Chicago, IL 60611

5. Lou Malnati's Pizzeria

Chicago, IL
Heart-Shaped Pizza: Lou's isn't the only one to offer this cheesy token of your affection. Giordano's and Pie-Eyed are also guilty.

6. The Hangge-Uppe

14 W Elm St, Chicago, IL 60610
Fuzzy Handcuffs & Boudoir Photos: Patrons can play something called the "Fuzzy Handcuff Game." They can also take a boudoir photo with a "sexy" backdrop. Make it stop already.
14 W Elm St
Chicago, IL 60610

7. Three Aces

1321 W Taylor St, Chicago, IL 60607
Bad Girl Brunch: Hey, riot grrrls rule. But it remains unclear if icons like Patti Smith and others had tarot cards, bagel boards and bubbly punch in mind.
1321 W Taylor St
Chicago, IL 60607

8. She-nannigans House of Beer

16 W Division St, Chicago, IL 60610
Naughty Little Cabaret Pole Dancing: Choreographers from Naughty Little Cabaret will show patrons how to work the pole. These are male dancers who perform burlesque. And Rush and Division is obviously a Mecca for female empowerment, so the lessons may actually make sense here.
16 W Division St
Chicago, IL 60610

9. White Castle

2348-2354 W. Roosevelt Rd., Chicago, IL 60608
Love Castle: For those sliding in and out of relationships, make a reservation at White Castle. Cause if you liked it you should have put a Chicken Ring™ on it.
2348-2354 W. Roosevelt Rd.
Chicago, IL 60608

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