clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Chicago's Least Romantic Valentine's Day Spots

View as Map

While many restaurants and bars in town are cooking up heart-shaped pizzas and over-the-top desserts, there are some places that are perfect for an Anti-Valentine's Day. Avoid the rush for reservations by heading to one of these spots that will make you forget what holiday you're actually celebrating.


Eater Chicago intern Aimee Gasior contributed to this story.

Read More
Note: Restaurants on this map are listed geographically.

Big City Tap

Copy Link

Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to be unromantic at "Big Shitty," the infamous late-night Lakeview option that's often one of the creepiest bars in Chicago. Soon they'll charge an entrance fee too.

Tilted Kilt

Copy Link

Tilted Kilt's Valentine's Day tagline is "roses are red, kilt girls are hot." Add in the fact that they were sued for sexual harassment and the romance factor is bottom-rung.

Ed Debevic's

Copy Link

When thinking of a romantic Valentine's Day dinner, generic comfort food, insult-slinging servers, and touristy families don't usually come to mind.

The Hangge-Uppe

Copy Link

If cleanliness and elbow room are what you're concerned with on Valentine's Day, look anywhere besides the overcrowded, nausea-filled Hangge-Uppe in the heart of the Viagra Triangle.

Boss Bar

Copy Link

Nothing says romance like heading to a repeat Chicago Health Department offender for a selection of bottom-shelf drinks. But if you want a cheap party spot in River North, look no further.

VIP'S Gentleman's Club

Copy Link

Thinking a romantic couples lap dance perfectly says "be mine forever"? The scent of cheap perfume combined with an unmistakable air of desperation add up to a very unromantic Valentine's Day.

Dave & Buster's

Copy Link

If you're thinking a little gaming will spice up your Valentine's Day, Dave & Buster's, which is crawling with massive crowds of noisy children and their loud parents, as well as coma-inducing food, is not the most romantic place to do it.

Spin Nightclub

Copy Link

If shower shows are your idea of a romantic outing, don't head to Spin on Valentine's Day. The signature Friday night event kicks off at midnight as usual at the longstanding crowded and sticky Boystown club.

Crabby Kim's

Copy Link

If tropical-themed romance is what you're looking for, head to the Caribbean where it's actually warm instead of spending it watching waitresses in string bikinis serving cheap burgers amidst a sausage fest at Crabby Kim's.

Dick's Last Resort

Copy Link

Who needs a romantic candlelight dinner this Valentine's Day when you can enjoy Dick's outrageously inappropriate waitstaff, take home a tall paper hat with offensive sayings, and consume unholy amounts of greasy fried food?

Detention Night Club

Copy Link

Although the female staff personifies the school girl fantasy, Clark and Division's Detention is not the ideal location to romantically relive your classroom days with your high school sweetheart.

115 Bourbon Street

Copy Link

Known in the southwest suburbs as a bar to watch the big sports games or a spot to get rowdy on a Thursday night, Bourbon Street serves as a place to celebrate many occasions -- occasions other than a romantic Valentine's Day.

Evil Olive

Copy Link

Although "porn and chicken" night won't fall on Valentine's Day, Fridays are still the opposite of romantic at this sticky club.

Hooters

Copy Link

When the visionary Hooters founders started the signature orange-spandex-and-chicken-wing chain it was definitely not with Valentine's Day in mind.

Loading comments...

Big City Tap

Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to be unromantic at "Big Shitty," the infamous late-night Lakeview option that's often one of the creepiest bars in Chicago. Soon they'll charge an entrance fee too.

Tilted Kilt

Tilted Kilt's Valentine's Day tagline is "roses are red, kilt girls are hot." Add in the fact that they were sued for sexual harassment and the romance factor is bottom-rung.

Ed Debevic's

When thinking of a romantic Valentine's Day dinner, generic comfort food, insult-slinging servers, and touristy families don't usually come to mind.

The Hangge-Uppe

If cleanliness and elbow room are what you're concerned with on Valentine's Day, look anywhere besides the overcrowded, nausea-filled Hangge-Uppe in the heart of the Viagra Triangle.

Boss Bar

Nothing says romance like heading to a repeat Chicago Health Department offender for a selection of bottom-shelf drinks. But if you want a cheap party spot in River North, look no further.

VIP'S Gentleman's Club

Thinking a romantic couples lap dance perfectly says "be mine forever"? The scent of cheap perfume combined with an unmistakable air of desperation add up to a very unromantic Valentine's Day.

Dave & Buster's

If you're thinking a little gaming will spice up your Valentine's Day, Dave & Buster's, which is crawling with massive crowds of noisy children and their loud parents, as well as coma-inducing food, is not the most romantic place to do it.

Spin Nightclub

If shower shows are your idea of a romantic outing, don't head to Spin on Valentine's Day. The signature Friday night event kicks off at midnight as usual at the longstanding crowded and sticky Boystown club.

Crabby Kim's

If tropical-themed romance is what you're looking for, head to the Caribbean where it's actually warm instead of spending it watching waitresses in string bikinis serving cheap burgers amidst a sausage fest at Crabby Kim's.

Dick's Last Resort

Who needs a romantic candlelight dinner this Valentine's Day when you can enjoy Dick's outrageously inappropriate waitstaff, take home a tall paper hat with offensive sayings, and consume unholy amounts of greasy fried food?

Detention Night Club

Although the female staff personifies the school girl fantasy, Clark and Division's Detention is not the ideal location to romantically relive your classroom days with your high school sweetheart.

115 Bourbon Street

Known in the southwest suburbs as a bar to watch the big sports games or a spot to get rowdy on a Thursday night, Bourbon Street serves as a place to celebrate many occasions -- occasions other than a romantic Valentine's Day.

Evil Olive

Although "porn and chicken" night won't fall on Valentine's Day, Fridays are still the opposite of romantic at this sticky club.

Hooters

When the visionary Hooters founders started the signature orange-spandex-and-chicken-wing chain it was definitely not with Valentine's Day in mind.

Related Maps