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Chicago's Least Romantic Valentine's Day Spots

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While many restaurants and bars in town are cooking up heart-shaped pizzas and over-the-top desserts, there are some places that are perfect for an Anti-Valentine's Day. Avoid the rush for reservations by heading to one of these spots that will make you forget what holiday you're actually celebrating.


Eater Chicago intern Aimee Gasior contributed to this story.

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Note: Restaurants on this map are listed geographically.

1. Big City Tap

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1010 W Belmont Ave
Chicago, IL 60657
(773) 935-9229
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Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to be unromantic at "Big Shitty," the infamous late-night Lakeview option that's often one of the creepiest bars in Chicago. Soon they'll charge an entrance fee too.

2. Tilted Kilt

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17 N Wabash Ave
Chicago, IL 60602
(312) 269-5580
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Tilted Kilt's Valentine's Day tagline is "roses are red, kilt girls are hot." Add in the fact that they were sued for sexual harassment and the romance factor is bottom-rung.

3. Ed Debevic's

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640 N Wells St
Chicago, IL 60654
(312) 664-1707
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When thinking of a romantic Valentine's Day dinner, generic comfort food, insult-slinging servers, and touristy families don't usually come to mind.

4. The Hangge-Uppe

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14 W Elm St
Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 337-0561
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If cleanliness and elbow room are what you're concerned with on Valentine's Day, look anywhere besides the overcrowded, nausea-filled Hangge-Uppe in the heart of the Viagra Triangle.

5. Boss Bar

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420 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60654
(312) 527-1203
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Nothing says romance like heading to a repeat Chicago Health Department offender for a selection of bottom-shelf drinks. But if you want a cheap party spot in River North, look no further.

6. VIP'S Gentleman's Club

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1531 N Kingsbury St
Chicago, IL 60642
(312) 664-7400
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Thinking a romantic couples lap dance perfectly says "be mine forever"? The scent of cheap perfume combined with an unmistakable air of desperation add up to a very unromantic Valentine's Day.

7. Dave & Buster's

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1030 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 943-5151
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If you're thinking a little gaming will spice up your Valentine's Day, Dave & Buster's, which is crawling with massive crowds of noisy children and their loud parents, as well as coma-inducing food, is not the most romantic place to do it.

8. Spin Nightclub

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800 W Belmont Ave
Chicago, IL 60657
(773) 327-7711
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If shower shows are your idea of a romantic outing, don't head to Spin on Valentine's Day. The signature Friday night event kicks off at midnight as usual at the longstanding crowded and sticky Boystown club.

9. Crabby Kim's

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3655 N Western Ave
Chicago, IL 60618
(773) 404-8156

If tropical-themed romance is what you're looking for, head to the Caribbean where it's actually warm instead of spending it watching waitresses in string bikinis serving cheap burgers amidst a sausage fest at Crabby Kim's.

10. Dick's Last Resort

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315 N Dearborn St
Chicago, IL 60654
(312) 836-7870
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Who needs a romantic candlelight dinner this Valentine's Day when you can enjoy Dick's outrageously inappropriate waitstaff, take home a tall paper hat with offensive sayings, and consume unholy amounts of greasy fried food?

11. Detention Night Club

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9 W Division St
Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 622-4180
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Although the female staff personifies the school girl fantasy, Clark and Division's Detention is not the ideal location to romantically relive your classroom days with your high school sweetheart.

12. 115 Bourbon Street

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3359 W 115th St
Merrionette Park, IL 60655
(708) 388-8881
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Known in the southwest suburbs as a bar to watch the big sports games or a spot to get rowdy on a Thursday night, Bourbon Street serves as a place to celebrate many occasions -- occasions other than a romantic Valentine's Day.

13. Evil Olive

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1551 W Division St
Chicago, IL 60622
(773) 235-9100

Although "porn and chicken" night won't fall on Valentine's Day, Fridays are still the opposite of romantic at this sticky club.

14. Hooters

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660 N Wells St
Chicago, IL 60654
(312) 944-8800
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When the visionary Hooters founders started the signature orange-spandex-and-chicken-wing chain it was definitely not with Valentine's Day in mind.

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1. Big City Tap

1010 W Belmont Ave, Chicago, IL 60657

Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to be unromantic at "Big Shitty," the infamous late-night Lakeview option that's often one of the creepiest bars in Chicago. Soon they'll charge an entrance fee too.

1010 W Belmont Ave
Chicago, IL 60657

2. Tilted Kilt

17 N Wabash Ave, Chicago, IL 60602

Tilted Kilt's Valentine's Day tagline is "roses are red, kilt girls are hot." Add in the fact that they were sued for sexual harassment and the romance factor is bottom-rung.

17 N Wabash Ave
Chicago, IL 60602

3. Ed Debevic's

640 N Wells St, Chicago, IL 60654

When thinking of a romantic Valentine's Day dinner, generic comfort food, insult-slinging servers, and touristy families don't usually come to mind.

640 N Wells St
Chicago, IL 60654

4. The Hangge-Uppe

14 W Elm St, Chicago, IL 60610

If cleanliness and elbow room are what you're concerned with on Valentine's Day, look anywhere besides the overcrowded, nausea-filled Hangge-Uppe in the heart of the Viagra Triangle.

14 W Elm St
Chicago, IL 60610

5. Boss Bar

420 N Clark St, Chicago, IL 60654

Nothing says romance like heading to a repeat Chicago Health Department offender for a selection of bottom-shelf drinks. But if you want a cheap party spot in River North, look no further.

420 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60654

6. VIP'S Gentleman's Club

1531 N Kingsbury St, Chicago, IL 60642

Thinking a romantic couples lap dance perfectly says "be mine forever"? The scent of cheap perfume combined with an unmistakable air of desperation add up to a very unromantic Valentine's Day.

1531 N Kingsbury St
Chicago, IL 60642

7. Dave & Buster's

1030 N Clark St, Chicago, IL 60610

If you're thinking a little gaming will spice up your Valentine's Day, Dave & Buster's, which is crawling with massive crowds of noisy children and their loud parents, as well as coma-inducing food, is not the most romantic place to do it.

1030 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60610

8. Spin Nightclub

800 W Belmont Ave, Chicago, IL 60657

If shower shows are your idea of a romantic outing, don't head to Spin on Valentine's Day. The signature Friday night event kicks off at midnight as usual at the longstanding crowded and sticky Boystown club.

800 W Belmont Ave
Chicago, IL 60657

9. Crabby Kim's

3655 N Western Ave, Chicago, IL 60618

If tropical-themed romance is what you're looking for, head to the Caribbean where it's actually warm instead of spending it watching waitresses in string bikinis serving cheap burgers amidst a sausage fest at Crabby Kim's.

3655 N Western Ave
Chicago, IL 60618

10. Dick's Last Resort

315 N Dearborn St, Chicago, IL 60654

Who needs a romantic candlelight dinner this Valentine's Day when you can enjoy Dick's outrageously inappropriate waitstaff, take home a tall paper hat with offensive sayings, and consume unholy amounts of greasy fried food?

315 N Dearborn St
Chicago, IL 60654

11. Detention Night Club

9 W Division St, Chicago, IL 60610

Although the female staff personifies the school girl fantasy, Clark and Division's Detention is not the ideal location to romantically relive your classroom days with your high school sweetheart.

9 W Division St
Chicago, IL 60610

12. 115 Bourbon Street

3359 W 115th St, Merrionette Park, IL 60655

Known in the southwest suburbs as a bar to watch the big sports games or a spot to get rowdy on a Thursday night, Bourbon Street serves as a place to celebrate many occasions -- occasions other than a romantic Valentine's Day.

3359 W 115th St
Merrionette Park, IL 60655

13. Evil Olive

1551 W Division St, Chicago, IL 60622

Although "porn and chicken" night won't fall on Valentine's Day, Fridays are still the opposite of romantic at this sticky club.

1551 W Division St
Chicago, IL 60622

14. Hooters

660 N Wells St, Chicago, IL 60654

When the visionary Hooters founders started the signature orange-spandex-and-chicken-wing chain it was definitely not with Valentine's Day in mind.

660 N Wells St
Chicago, IL 60654

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