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Eater Readers Share Their Delivery Horror Stories

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Our anonymous pizza guy from 2012
Our anonymous pizza guy from 2012
Photo: Jason Little

Pizza delivery can be sometimes hilarious, sometimes horrific, and often times tasty situation. As Pizza Week Due hits the final day, Eater readers share some personal stories from the wild world of pizza delivery. Check them out below.

I was delivering for a shop in Evanston in the late 90's. The main door of a garden apartment was open, when I rang the bell a woman's voice from around a corner said "come in" through the screen door. There was a shirtless man sitting on the sofa with his back facing me glued to the Bulls Finals. A naked two-year-old came running around the corner excited about dinner. Right after that a naked woman walked around the corner. My uncomfortable feeling about the child dancing at my feet changed to sheer panic in my head. I was really wondering what the guy on the couch was going to do! The lady acted like paying for delivery naked was the most normal thing in the world and gave me a generous tip. That situation still boggles my mind.
While in college a pizza from Pizza Hut was delivered to my friends with a very visible cooked roach on top!
Got a call from an apartment complex. There have been six homicides in the last two months in the 30 unit complex including one man who was shot by two men spraying his apartment with AK-47s to the point that two other families had to move because the shots broke the pipes in the walls. Customer says "It's alright, the police are still here."
When I was about 19, I was driving for a popular suburban pizza chain in the Chicago area. An order came in with very specific delivery instructions. Something along the lines of "go to this door, call this number, and make sure no one sees when you open the door. Driver also must be over the age of 18." I drove back through a long, makeshift roadway until I came to the address. Their offices looked like something right out of a Stephen King horror movie. I grabbed the pies and made my way to the shack office they had set up. When I opened the door I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Two girls, completely naked lying on the floor, doing things to each other that I can't even start to explain in a publicly accessible internet resource. There were about 20 guys standing around with their arms crossed and just looking at me – awkward. I had just walked in on some type of porn party. A couple of strippers, in broad daylight, with their "bag full of tricks." As I put the pizzas down on a table and grabbed the money, the two girls approached me with whipped cream on their breasts telling me "lick it off for me pizza man." Considering the circumstances (and the fact that I had just started dating my wife at the time) I wasn't exactly inclined to follow through with that. Instead I ended up just slipping out the back door and just pocketing the $25 tip. That's one off the bucket list I suppose.
Eight inches of snow have closed several highways. We have two drivers working. I get a $135.00 order to a nursing home. The highway route to the home is closed in both directions by accidents, so it is 25 minutes of the outer roads to get there. The front door is at the top of a hill that has two ruts for me to follow. $5.00 tip on a trunk load of pies.

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