If you've ever wondered how to spot whether a restaurant is bad, John Mariani can tell you. The Esquire food writer just put out a slideshow with a number of reasons he thinks a restaurant will, well, suck. For one, he bluntly says, "It's one of Todd English's restaurants." Ouch. Other signs: tasseled menus, waiters with track marks and the host says there's a half-hour wait. Ah, nothing like a curmudgeon.